Hello Dad, I’m in Jail

No Comments

I know what you’re thinking… another installment? Already? Hells yeah!

1.) Why the sad face?

Awww. No need to pout. Did we get an itty bity cwiminal twespassing charge?

2.) Arrr Matey! Why ye takin me rum?

I don’t know why but this picture makes me think… Pirate! I do have a question though. How do you get four separate open container charges at once? Does this mean he actually had four open beers? Also, my guess is the “False information to a Police Officer” charge is bullshit… From looking at him I don’t think he had any clue who he was at the time of arrest. There is a difference between giving false information and having drunken amnesia… I know.

3.) Take this gift I have brought you, for God has been very gracious to me

There is a lot going on here so stick with me. First… dude is charged with “Gift of Marihuana”… WTF is that? Seriously, I can’t wrap my mind around what that could possibly mean. Then you have the rabies shit, menacing, domestic violence, etc… and we still haven’t gotten to the mugshot. Ahhh, the mugshot… and what a mugshot it is. I have to give it to him the “Monster” logo on the neck is a nice touch. It tells the future employer that he is willing to go the extra mile and drink an energy drink to get his ass out of bed after a long night of dogfighting and marihuana giving. Seriously, facial tattoos say “fuggit, I don’t care any more. I will never have a legitimate job and I will spend all my time gifting marihuana.”

Hello Dad, I’m in Jail

No Comments

One of my favorite things in life is looking through mugshots. Okay, maybe I should qualify that a bit… One of my favorite things in life when I’m home and out of alcohol and drugs, and my girlfriend is , and I can’t afford a hooker, and there’s nothing good on TV, and I’m too lazy to put in a movie, is looking through mugshots.

So… without further Erykah Badu… Here is the first installment of MR. CABBAGE SHARES MUGSHOTS AND MAKES SNAZZY COMMENTS ABOUT THEM! (I’m taking suggestions for a new title).

1.) I’m not as think as you drunk I am occifer.

I’ve gotten to be pretty good at identifying the charge by simply looking at the picture. Sure, sometimes there is a curveball like to hot 20 year old woman arrested on attempted rape, but generally I’m pretty good. Mr Hoodie here is a classic example of an easy guess. Even a beginner can tell just by looking at this picture that he is drunk out of his gourd. Oh, the 2:15AM timestamp is a little clue too.

2.) I’ll get you, my pretty, and I look like a dog too!

Why don’t the prostitutes ever look like the ones I picture in my fantasies? Hell, I’d even go for Hollywood’s version. You know, that horse face Julia Roberts? At least I won’t have to worry about her teeth scraping my cock. (She’s got a big mouth you see…)

3.) I’m not as think as, blah, blah, blah, redux

You can almost hear him being cut off mid -by this picture. Something like “Let me tell you thumpthing… (click!) I did not drink any of them beers you found in my truck…”